Passing of Two Uncles

Over Thanksgiving I learned my dad's half-brother Gary was sick. I didn't see him much growing up and didn't really get to know him until my 16th birthday when he designed the birthday party banner for our celebration with his printing company. Even after that, I only saw him at Christmas, Thanksgiving, and the occasional wedding. The last time I saw Gary was August 30th at my cousin's wedding. He had lost weight and looked good, but I had no idea the weight loss was due to something more than a lifestyle change.

He learned a few months ago he had cancer, but at the wedding I was so preoccupied with preparing for the first dance song, at which I was playing guitar, catching up with my cousins, and thinking about my trip to the Philippines and Australia-which I would be leaving for in two days-that I don't even recall saying hello to him. There were 250 people at the wedding and there's many people I didn't say hi to.

I didn't learn Gary was ill until just over a month ago. I heard he was in the hospital over Christmas, but we were told he had a few months to live so I figured I had time to see him. I meant to visit at least once, but yet again, I got caught up hanging with friends and family over the holidays to see him.

I just learned he passed away this morning.

I'm sad, but not terribly so.

My mom just called me to tell me she received an e-mail last night that another of my uncles, Jayme from Brazil, also passed away just yesterday.

Uncle Jayme was my biological father's brother, whom I had never met. I met my real father just once in my life, when I was four, and learned he passed away in October 2005 months later, in May 2006, and that was only because my mom Googled my father's name and found the obituary online.

When I learned my real father passed, I had many mixed feelings. I never knew him and only heard unpleasant things about him from not only my mother, but my half brother and his extended family as well. He was supposedly a selfish womanizer that treated his family poorly, causing his only son, my half brother, to become estranged from him at 18 years old.

I e-mailed my brother when I learned our father died. From him, I made contact with my uncle in Brazil, Jayme. Over the past 2 and a half years, I've been in occasional correspondence with him. In 2006 and 2007, we e-mailed frequently. He even planned to visit us here in the States until his heart condition prevented him. Vicki and I toyed with the idea of visiting him in Brazil, but life happened and so the visit didn't.

It had been a few months since I heard from him until this past October, when I learned he wasn't online as much due to complications with his health. His wife, my aunt, told us we'd better hurry up and visit him before he died.

Too late.

It's odd...I believe I am more sad about Jayme than Gary. I guess it's because I never met him, but he was so kind and even sent us graduation cards and birthday and Christmas gifts in the mail. He was the one living blood relative still alive that really knew my father.

There's always the half-brother, Sam, but he has never indicated an interest in meeting us and I don't particularly care to meet him, either. We've never met and I don't see a reason to.

Then again, if he passed away suddenly, I'm sure I'd be sad as well.

Maybe it's time I actually get to know my biological father's family. One can never have too much family around, right?

Better late than never.