Whoa dang. It's been over 3 months since I posted, and even then, the last few blogs were just copy/pastes from e-mails I sent whilst traveling.
Shoot, it's 12:41 and I'm way tired. A couple months ago I stayed up until 2 or 3 am easily, now I'm going to bed at 11pm and waking up at 7am (of my own accord), so this is way past my bedtime.
I got caught up catching up on friends' blogs and realized I need to update my own!
Just read a friend's blog about taking risks.
Shoot, I'm in the middle of a huge occupational risk right now...
Not many people know this, though I imagine it'll get around sooner rather than later, but I quit my job so that I can spend the next few months focusing on something I've been keen to do on and off for years. I played with the idea when I was in the Philippines in September, then spent more time thinking about it in Australia, and pretty much the week after I got back I started working on it. It took a couple months to get a handle on it, but before Thanksgiving I was on my way.
But the holidays kept me busy, with traveling home, visiting with old friends, planning GODencounters and preparing for the new year, so it's been a while since I've gotten some consistent, solid work done on it.
Consequently, I've found myself in a funk and have had to remember what I did prior to the funk in order to get a handle on it once again. I'm still not quite where I was at the peak of my productivity, and this has me stressin'.
Another thing is because I quit my job voluntarily, I don't get unemployment benefits and am living off my savings, which will only last so long.
Top it off with all the news about the recession or depression or whatever it is, and I'm getting super antsy. I keep thinking back and wondering if this was simply a risk or extreme folly.
It's a huge, huge risk. And my parents, while supportive, do seem a little disappointed that their 4.0, Valedictorian, double degree-holding former aspiring dentist is now doing THIS.
And all this fear and worry that it's foolish only hinders my productivity.
I am scared.
For reeeeeaaaaalz.
But I'm already in it this far and I can't stop now. I've gotta do it and push for it and remember that THIS IS MY FULL TIME JOB NOW and until the job's done, I can't relax.
I don't understand how I could survive the stress and freakin' crazy hard work of majoring in Biochemistry, Chemistry, and Art History, take two 4 hour science lab courses that met on the SAME day back-to-back, be involved in church and Thriller dancing and maintain a social life, etc., etc.
I was disciplined. I didn't sleep. I lived each day constantly thinking about the next lab report, exam, experiment, paper, etc.
Now I have just this one thing to work on and it's difficult.
Why can't the fact I'm blowing my savings be motivation enough? It should be even more motivating than wanting a good grade. This is my LIFE. It's my MONEY going down the drain.
I need to get on the ball.
Just do it, Steph.
3 comments:
but you didn't tell us what you're going after.. :)
unless i just missed it.
Always remember, YOU are doing god's will in your life. Never doubt that. This weekend I saw a fire in you that drew me to be your friend. You are one of my closest friends and contrary to popular beliefe it's very hard for me to trust like that. Life is about taking risks. Look at what happened to me last march. Was I scared. No. I put it all to God and he answered me in ways hat I cannot fathom.
In simplistic terms, belief can go a long way. Believe in god and yourself :-) Of course, you already know this, I am simply pointing out the obvious.
you are on God's mission, and that's the best thing one can do. He has a plan for you, and remember He absolutely knows what life decision you are going to be. Maybe He wants you to do something different occupationally. you never know. just keep seeking His way. you can always talk to me, you always listen to my nonsense :) it's not healthy to keep things in.
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