We all need to honestly consider our actions, all of them, before taking them. I've seen a lot of friends get hurt, both physically and emotionally because of miscommunication, misunderstandings, and sometimes, just lack of information.
Sometimes we hurt our friends inadvertently when it's the last thing we want to do. But if we don't carefully reflect on our actions and how they affect people, the damage can be done before we even know it.
Honesty.
Open communication.
Those are the two key components of healthy relationships, both with friends and significant others.
Sometimes we avoid direct communication in the hopes that troubles will disappear if we just ignore them.
Or we procrastinate and hope it will become easier to confront those troubles as time goes on.
But the longer we wait, the harder it often becomes.
And the more pain is inflicted as a result.
Don't underestimate your friends. You might think they don't know what's going on, but they do.
Do we want to hurt our friends?
I sure hope not.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Times of the Signs
Please, let Your will be obvious. I need a straight up sign, yo. I need an explicit question before providing an answer.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Does Time Belong to Anyone?
As a follower of Jesus and someone who loves planning events that help others get to know Him, I've always struggled with dealing with those who are aren't like-minded.
I can't quite define what the name of the struggle would be...I know I should only worry about myself and what I'm doing as an individual to consistently get to know Him and serve Him better, but I always find myself worrying about others.
I'm saddened when I learn that others aren't as motivated or inspired to help in even a fraction of the same capacity. Sometimes this sadness turns into irritation, which is when I know I've crossed the line and let my mind dwell on something it should not.
But when someone says, "[I'll help out] if I have time and feel like it," it's very difficult not to get irritated.
All of our time belongs to God and we shouldn't plan God around our schedules, but should rather be planning our schedules around God.
I can't quite define what the name of the struggle would be...I know I should only worry about myself and what I'm doing as an individual to consistently get to know Him and serve Him better, but I always find myself worrying about others.
I'm saddened when I learn that others aren't as motivated or inspired to help in even a fraction of the same capacity. Sometimes this sadness turns into irritation, which is when I know I've crossed the line and let my mind dwell on something it should not.
But when someone says, "[I'll help out] if I have time and feel like it," it's very difficult not to get irritated.
All of our time belongs to God and we shouldn't plan God around our schedules, but should rather be planning our schedules around God.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Passing of Two Uncles
Over Thanksgiving I learned my dad's half-brother Gary was sick. I didn't see him much growing up and didn't really get to know him until my 16th birthday when he designed the birthday party banner for our celebration with his printing company. Even after that, I only saw him at Christmas, Thanksgiving, and the occasional wedding. The last time I saw Gary was August 30th at my cousin's wedding. He had lost weight and looked good, but I had no idea the weight loss was due to something more than a lifestyle change.
He learned a few months ago he had cancer, but at the wedding I was so preoccupied with preparing for the first dance song, at which I was playing guitar, catching up with my cousins, and thinking about my trip to the Philippines and Australia-which I would be leaving for in two days-that I don't even recall saying hello to him. There were 250 people at the wedding and there's many people I didn't say hi to.
I didn't learn Gary was ill until just over a month ago. I heard he was in the hospital over Christmas, but we were told he had a few months to live so I figured I had time to see him. I meant to visit at least once, but yet again, I got caught up hanging with friends and family over the holidays to see him.
I just learned he passed away this morning.
I'm sad, but not terribly so.
My mom just called me to tell me she received an e-mail last night that another of my uncles, Jayme from Brazil, also passed away just yesterday.
Uncle Jayme was my biological father's brother, whom I had never met. I met my real father just once in my life, when I was four, and learned he passed away in October 2005 months later, in May 2006, and that was only because my mom Googled my father's name and found the obituary online.
When I learned my real father passed, I had many mixed feelings. I never knew him and only heard unpleasant things about him from not only my mother, but my half brother and his extended family as well. He was supposedly a selfish womanizer that treated his family poorly, causing his only son, my half brother, to become estranged from him at 18 years old.
I e-mailed my brother when I learned our father died. From him, I made contact with my uncle in Brazil, Jayme. Over the past 2 and a half years, I've been in occasional correspondence with him. In 2006 and 2007, we e-mailed frequently. He even planned to visit us here in the States until his heart condition prevented him. Vicki and I toyed with the idea of visiting him in Brazil, but life happened and so the visit didn't.
It had been a few months since I heard from him until this past October, when I learned he wasn't online as much due to complications with his health. His wife, my aunt, told us we'd better hurry up and visit him before he died.
Too late.
It's odd...I believe I am more sad about Jayme than Gary. I guess it's because I never met him, but he was so kind and even sent us graduation cards and birthday and Christmas gifts in the mail. He was the one living blood relative still alive that really knew my father.
There's always the half-brother, Sam, but he has never indicated an interest in meeting us and I don't particularly care to meet him, either. We've never met and I don't see a reason to.
Then again, if he passed away suddenly, I'm sure I'd be sad as well.
Maybe it's time I actually get to know my biological father's family. One can never have too much family around, right?
Better late than never.
He learned a few months ago he had cancer, but at the wedding I was so preoccupied with preparing for the first dance song, at which I was playing guitar, catching up with my cousins, and thinking about my trip to the Philippines and Australia-which I would be leaving for in two days-that I don't even recall saying hello to him. There were 250 people at the wedding and there's many people I didn't say hi to.
I didn't learn Gary was ill until just over a month ago. I heard he was in the hospital over Christmas, but we were told he had a few months to live so I figured I had time to see him. I meant to visit at least once, but yet again, I got caught up hanging with friends and family over the holidays to see him.
I just learned he passed away this morning.
I'm sad, but not terribly so.
My mom just called me to tell me she received an e-mail last night that another of my uncles, Jayme from Brazil, also passed away just yesterday.
Uncle Jayme was my biological father's brother, whom I had never met. I met my real father just once in my life, when I was four, and learned he passed away in October 2005 months later, in May 2006, and that was only because my mom Googled my father's name and found the obituary online.
When I learned my real father passed, I had many mixed feelings. I never knew him and only heard unpleasant things about him from not only my mother, but my half brother and his extended family as well. He was supposedly a selfish womanizer that treated his family poorly, causing his only son, my half brother, to become estranged from him at 18 years old.
I e-mailed my brother when I learned our father died. From him, I made contact with my uncle in Brazil, Jayme. Over the past 2 and a half years, I've been in occasional correspondence with him. In 2006 and 2007, we e-mailed frequently. He even planned to visit us here in the States until his heart condition prevented him. Vicki and I toyed with the idea of visiting him in Brazil, but life happened and so the visit didn't.
It had been a few months since I heard from him until this past October, when I learned he wasn't online as much due to complications with his health. His wife, my aunt, told us we'd better hurry up and visit him before he died.
Too late.
It's odd...I believe I am more sad about Jayme than Gary. I guess it's because I never met him, but he was so kind and even sent us graduation cards and birthday and Christmas gifts in the mail. He was the one living blood relative still alive that really knew my father.
There's always the half-brother, Sam, but he has never indicated an interest in meeting us and I don't particularly care to meet him, either. We've never met and I don't see a reason to.
Then again, if he passed away suddenly, I'm sure I'd be sad as well.
Maybe it's time I actually get to know my biological father's family. One can never have too much family around, right?
Better late than never.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
happy 2009
Whoa dang. It's been over 3 months since I posted, and even then, the last few blogs were just copy/pastes from e-mails I sent whilst traveling.
Shoot, it's 12:41 and I'm way tired. A couple months ago I stayed up until 2 or 3 am easily, now I'm going to bed at 11pm and waking up at 7am (of my own accord), so this is way past my bedtime.
I got caught up catching up on friends' blogs and realized I need to update my own!
Just read a friend's blog about taking risks.
Shoot, I'm in the middle of a huge occupational risk right now...
Not many people know this, though I imagine it'll get around sooner rather than later, but I quit my job so that I can spend the next few months focusing on something I've been keen to do on and off for years. I played with the idea when I was in the Philippines in September, then spent more time thinking about it in Australia, and pretty much the week after I got back I started working on it. It took a couple months to get a handle on it, but before Thanksgiving I was on my way.
But the holidays kept me busy, with traveling home, visiting with old friends, planning GODencounters and preparing for the new year, so it's been a while since I've gotten some consistent, solid work done on it.
Consequently, I've found myself in a funk and have had to remember what I did prior to the funk in order to get a handle on it once again. I'm still not quite where I was at the peak of my productivity, and this has me stressin'.
Another thing is because I quit my job voluntarily, I don't get unemployment benefits and am living off my savings, which will only last so long.
Top it off with all the news about the recession or depression or whatever it is, and I'm getting super antsy. I keep thinking back and wondering if this was simply a risk or extreme folly.
It's a huge, huge risk. And my parents, while supportive, do seem a little disappointed that their 4.0, Valedictorian, double degree-holding former aspiring dentist is now doing THIS.
And all this fear and worry that it's foolish only hinders my productivity.
I am scared.
For reeeeeaaaaalz.
But I'm already in it this far and I can't stop now. I've gotta do it and push for it and remember that THIS IS MY FULL TIME JOB NOW and until the job's done, I can't relax.
I don't understand how I could survive the stress and freakin' crazy hard work of majoring in Biochemistry, Chemistry, and Art History, take two 4 hour science lab courses that met on the SAME day back-to-back, be involved in church and Thriller dancing and maintain a social life, etc., etc.
I was disciplined. I didn't sleep. I lived each day constantly thinking about the next lab report, exam, experiment, paper, etc.
Now I have just this one thing to work on and it's difficult.
Why can't the fact I'm blowing my savings be motivation enough? It should be even more motivating than wanting a good grade. This is my LIFE. It's my MONEY going down the drain.
I need to get on the ball.
Just do it, Steph.
Shoot, it's 12:41 and I'm way tired. A couple months ago I stayed up until 2 or 3 am easily, now I'm going to bed at 11pm and waking up at 7am (of my own accord), so this is way past my bedtime.
I got caught up catching up on friends' blogs and realized I need to update my own!
Just read a friend's blog about taking risks.
Shoot, I'm in the middle of a huge occupational risk right now...
Not many people know this, though I imagine it'll get around sooner rather than later, but I quit my job so that I can spend the next few months focusing on something I've been keen to do on and off for years. I played with the idea when I was in the Philippines in September, then spent more time thinking about it in Australia, and pretty much the week after I got back I started working on it. It took a couple months to get a handle on it, but before Thanksgiving I was on my way.
But the holidays kept me busy, with traveling home, visiting with old friends, planning GODencounters and preparing for the new year, so it's been a while since I've gotten some consistent, solid work done on it.
Consequently, I've found myself in a funk and have had to remember what I did prior to the funk in order to get a handle on it once again. I'm still not quite where I was at the peak of my productivity, and this has me stressin'.
Another thing is because I quit my job voluntarily, I don't get unemployment benefits and am living off my savings, which will only last so long.
Top it off with all the news about the recession or depression or whatever it is, and I'm getting super antsy. I keep thinking back and wondering if this was simply a risk or extreme folly.
It's a huge, huge risk. And my parents, while supportive, do seem a little disappointed that their 4.0, Valedictorian, double degree-holding former aspiring dentist is now doing THIS.
And all this fear and worry that it's foolish only hinders my productivity.
I am scared.
For reeeeeaaaaalz.
But I'm already in it this far and I can't stop now. I've gotta do it and push for it and remember that THIS IS MY FULL TIME JOB NOW and until the job's done, I can't relax.
I don't understand how I could survive the stress and freakin' crazy hard work of majoring in Biochemistry, Chemistry, and Art History, take two 4 hour science lab courses that met on the SAME day back-to-back, be involved in church and Thriller dancing and maintain a social life, etc., etc.
I was disciplined. I didn't sleep. I lived each day constantly thinking about the next lab report, exam, experiment, paper, etc.
Now I have just this one thing to work on and it's difficult.
Why can't the fact I'm blowing my savings be motivation enough? It should be even more motivating than wanting a good grade. This is my LIFE. It's my MONEY going down the drain.
I need to get on the ball.
Just do it, Steph.
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