Lately I've kinda been feeling like I've been living life aimlessly. Because I work from home (or, Starbucks, rather, since that's where I usually go to write), my schedule is pretty flexible. I don't have to answer to anyone. I'm not used to living without structure.
Structure has always been what's motivated me. In high school, my life revolved around my school schedule, the next assignment that was due, what TV show was on that night that I knew I wanted to watch.
I don't even watch TV anymore, except for the occasional episode of Gossip Girl that I just stream online, anyway, and which I watch at my own convenience.
I don't even know what date it is anymore. This past Friday was January 30th, but for some reason I thought it was the 31st and so when I signed the key form for the new UW club venue, I dated it wrong. I didn't realize it until the next day when I looked at my phone and saw that Saturday was the 31st.
My life is like one big blur. Every Sabbath, the one day of my week with structure, people always ask me, "How was your week?" And honestly, I don't know how to answer them. I know most of them are just being polite and may not genuinely care to know how my week went, but when I think about the answer, I don't know what to say.
My weeks aren't bad, but they're so full of random events and meetings that I can't recall what I did have the time. I usually answer them, "Oh you know. Same ol', same ol'."
I don't even know what the point of this blog is. I don't know if I dislike the lack of structure my life has, or whether it's freeing.
It's just an observation, I guess.
3 comments:
Hey Steph! Know that when I ask you how your week/day is because I truly care. I look forward to our sabath's together so much and want to know what's going on with you so much more than the surface level. I know phone minutes weigh heavily on your mind and sometimes texting just doesn't do the trick but always know that after 7 if you want to talk I am always available. Your friendship is very important to me :-)
I hear you about the structure thing... except for, my issues with structure are much different.
As you know I was home schooled from 7th grade on, which back then was so new, it was very unstructured. Then, when I started going to community college & then working, it was so hard to get used to structure... maybe that's why I'm late for everything? I got used to structure again eventually... but then with every new job or move, my structure becomes unsettled. I have to get used to new routines, new schedules, ect, and since I'm really not that good with structure anyway.
I've been unemployed for 7 weeks. In that time period, I've gotten lazy. Its all so convienient living alone in a studio, the TV is one click away, and I can spend hours sitting in bed watching the TV. Tuesday was a beautiful day, and I actually got up at a somewhat decent hour, socialized, and really enjoyed being outside while it was sunny. Wednesday was also a beautiful day, or so, I think it was, according to HP weather it was 55 in Seattle, and I could kinda see sun through my blinds, but... that didn't get me out of bed any sooner. I tried, but gave in too easily. I suppose you could say that I'm in a rut.
I'm so nervous about starting a new job (which I pray I'll get soon) because once again I'll have to rebuild my structure from the ground up. Its scary.
A while back we were all sitting around and Bruce observed how many of us were jobless or pursing a career of our own means. I think is really a blessing to be able to have this opportunity.
Myself, I get tired of being in my home so much - but I wouldn't trade it for the flexibility and other benefits that come along with it.
I think it's awesome you're writing a book! That's a great accomplishment. I would really like to meet weekly or bi-weekly with all our friends who are entrepreneurs to share and see how we can help each other out.
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