spring

In the spring I like to walk outside through the avenues lined with cherry blossoms. Sunglasses shield my sight from the brightness, but also mute the colors of the blossoms. Magenta becomes pale pink. Pink transforms into white. I hear voices, faded and incomprehensible, I see children running to and fro. But I cannot hear them, for in my head is a personal soundtrack of wonderful melodies that has increased in intensity. I glance around me at the silence, at the energy, but only hear the crescendos of my heart.

music

you are rich dynamism
colorful and funky
and full of exquisite music
multifaceted resonance

my ears ache with joy
even the deaf can hear you
please keep playing
softly, loudly, loudly

i want to share you
love encompasses sharing
but i am human and flawed
it is difficult to share
especially something this grand

Rain.

Tonight after work while running errands, I stopped at one of the UW libraries to drop off books for a friend. It was almost 9:00pm, dark, cold, and raining. I chose not to bring an umbrella because I didn't think it would rain that heavily.

As I approached the book drop, I noticed how dead it was on campus. The library was closed and there was not a single person that I could see. As I turned away from the book drop, it started to rain hard. My glasses were covered in water droplets so I took them off because I could see better without them. I was standing under a dimly lit lamp post, about to turn away, when suddenly the opening notes to "Grace Like Rain" sounded from my ipod earphones.

I don't believe in coincidences.

So I stood there, alone, wearing only a thin sweatshirt and getting more drenched by the second, vision blurred and icy cold. And I decided to carefully listen to the words of the song. I'd heard it dozens of times, sang along to it in church, had the lyrics memorized. But it wasn't until that moment that I thought about what rain means to me. At that moment, rain meant more than just a weather phenomenon that forced me to use an umbrella. It meant more than one of Seattle's quirky trademarks. It wasn't just precipitation or the results of condensed water vapor from the atmosphere being stored up in the clouds and waiting to wash away the residue in the streets.

I thought about how truly cleansing it is, how in the lyrics of "Grace Like Rain," rain is equivalent to the grace of God. It is His forgiveness of us, even when we don't deserve it, it is His free gift of salvation, the sacrifice He made for us, it is His unconditional love of all of humanity, it is grace. And as I stood in the rain, feeling the drops fall onto my head, my face, my shoulders, my body, I understood.

The Cure for Pain

I just found out that a guy I went to high school with, Klinton Boylan, was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer, neuro-endocrine carcinoid cancer, in January 2007. In less than a year it has spread to his liver, bone marrow, lymph nodes, pelvis, spinal cord, everywhere. Last week it got really bad and after tests the doctors have estimated he only has a few more days to live.

I wish I had learned about it sooner so I could have prayed for him and his family. I hadn't even thought about him in ages but Vicki decided to look him up on MySpace randomly and that's how we found out about his condition.

He is only 23 years old with a wife and two beautiful children. I can't even begin to fathom the amount of pain, both physical and emotional, that they are in.

I am crying as I type this.

Lately I've been obsessed with the new Jon Foreman album, particularly the song, "The Cure for Pain." The lyrics are so fitting. Thank God Klinton and his family know and love the Lord. Reading about their ordeal in their blogs reveals how much faith and trust in our Savior they have had and continue to have.

The following is a blog that Klinton posted recently. It's so amazing that even in the midst of his pain and knowledge that he has just a few moments left on this earth, that he is using the little time he has left to glorify God. Read on:

"Oh for Grace

I know it sounds odd, but I have been blessed by having cancer. Yes I hate being sick and knowing that my wife, kids, family, and freinds have to watch me be in pain all the time. But I believe that God has blessed me with a better understanding of just how important life is and to truly know who holds each and every one of our lives in His hands. It is God and God alone who has the right and ability to condem or save. He has givin us this short time on earth to either love Him and bring Him glory, or deny Him and walk ourselves right into an eternity of darkness and pain. (hell that is) To all who don't know God and have denied His existance, now is the time to truly ask yourselves, "Where am I going and why?" We are not judged solely on sin, we all are guilty of that, but we are judged on wether or not we believe that Jesus is who He says He is and wether or not we are willing to repent and turn from our sins and walk His way, or deny Him His rightful place in our hearts and remain dead and ultimately hell bound.

Life in so uncertain. I never thought that I would have cancer and have to life my life this way. Nobody knows when or where or how they will die but we all will die one day and if we don't address what happens when we do die, we will be condeming ourselves already. Don't waste your lives on purposeless thing. Choose life whom is Christ before it's too late and that choice is taken away from you forever. I love you all and hope that we will all be together in the end. Please concider these things I have said. There's nothing more important than eternity.

sincerely, Klinton"
...

Please pray for them with me.

THE CURE FOR PAIN
Jon Foreman

I'm not sure why it always flows downhill
Why broken cisterns never could stay filled
I've spent ten years singing gravity away
But the water keeps on falling from the sky

And here tonight while the stars are blacking out
With every hope and dream I've ever had in doubt
I've spent ten years trying to sing these doubts away
But the water keeps on falling from my eyes

And heaven knows... heaven knows
I tried to find a cure for the pain
Oh my Lord! to suffer like you do...
It would be a lie to run away

So blood is fire pulsing through our veins
We're either riders or fools behind the reigns
I've spent 10 years trying to sing it all away
but the water keeps on falling from my tries




2 Timothy 4:6-8
For I am now ready to be offered, and the time of my departure is at hand. I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the Righteous Judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love His appearing.

And I can't even whistle...

Kindness=LOVE=Free

The Sunday before Thanksgiving, my cousin Casey and her boyfriend Dan came by to pick Vicki and me up to go to my aunt's annual Thanksgiving dinner at her country club. It's pretty much 30 members of my family from my dad's side, seated at one long table eating Thanksgiving-style food, buffet style. It's pretty awesome, especially since it's pretty much the only time I get to see some of the extended family.

They came upstairs to see our apartment and chat for a few minutes before we headed out. It was discovered that Dan is big on bicycling and has done the STP (Seattle to Portland Bicycle Classic) a couple times, which leaves from Husky Stadium. This past summer the night before STP, which starts at 4:30AM on day 1, Casey and Dan slept in their car in the parking lot of Husky Stadium. We suggested that next year, they stay at our place.

What shocked me is they offered to sleep on the freakin' patio. They were joking, but deep down they probably said it because they don't want to impose on our hospitality.

I know it's not uncommon for people to make offhand comments like that, but I've never actually thought about the motivations behind them.

Why is it most people today can't accept kindness with thinking they have to offer something in return? I'm totally guilty of this myself. I feel bad if someone does me a favor and I immediately feel the need to pay it back.

If we truly have the character of Christ in us, we should be willing to serve others without expecting anything in return. We would be willing to give a friend a place to stay without feeling used or taken advantage of.

I know there's a fine line here, though. It's not black and white and many of us simply want to show our thanks by paying the favor back. But if the sole motivation is to "even the scales" or some fear of being judged as a moocher or whatever, then that's not cool. The fear only implies the belief that the person bestowing the act of kindness must not be giving with a true heart which, essentially, reveals judgment.

It shouldn't be that way.

Let's humble ourselves before God and remember that we deserve nothing in return, including hospitality and other acts of kindness. But to be hospitable and kind is compatible with the character of Christ, so loving God can only result in leading us to give to others, whether it is "payment" or not.

"S" is for Silence.

Today the world is loudly present
Look around and see the noise
We try to block it out with laughter
It serves to scare the girls and boys

Seeking quiet, shelter, peace
Seems so easy, unplug yourself
Open up your mind and heart
Listen closely on your knees

"Invite me in," he says again
"Invite me in, I want to speak"
We hear the knockings, grab the handle
Almost turn it, letting him in

But our hesitation is folly
He can only wait so long
When we turn the handle, finally
We look upon an empty stoop

Reduce the sounds, turn them down
Notes and frequencies alike
Shut it off and look away
Allow yourself to feel the might