One of my friends e-mailed me today asking if I have any regrets or wish I could do something differently if I had the chance. I had a difficult time picking just one thing, but now I am certain I know what I would choose.
I would visit my Uncle Jayme in Brazil before he died.
Refer back to my blog entry from January 14th, 2009, in which I described the passing of two of my uncles, one day apart, if you'd like to know more about Jayme.
I don't know why suddenly I'm overcome with grief. I am literally crying as I type this. It greatly saddens me that I never met this kind man, Jayme Avaiusini, the one living relative from my father's side who indicated an interest in getting to know me, who sent me cards in the mail on my birthday, and even a graduation gift when I finished at UW. All this from a man who didn't even know I existed until I was in college.
It's been over a year since he passed, but I don't think I ever allowed myself to grieve back then.
I'm grieving now.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Writing.
It's been nearly three months since my last update. Why is it I only update this thing when I'm going through something heavy?
Today was an interesting day. Unexpected conflicts. Uncertain resolutions. Some conflicts yet to be resolved.
I've been writing a lot more of my novel. I've sort of started over. I still may use the 100-odd pages I wrote last year, but since I took such a long break this past spring/summer, I find it quite difficult to "get back into my groove."
Whatever I write now seems disconnected from what I wrote then.
I've also altered the opposition slightly such that a rewrite is necessary, anyway.
I've done heaps of research and written more regularly the past month. However, most of what I've written has been exercises from a writing workshop book I bought. I'm trying to write with more continuous conflict and tension, bringing a mix of emotion to every page.
I've concluded that the primary reason it was so difficult continuing the novel was I'd spent so much time outlining, and with such thoroughness, that I'd essentially "written" the darn thing already. I couldn't bring myself to actually write the real deal because I would only be repeating myself, which is no fun. I lost the momentum.
So, with this new and improved opposition in the works, I'm striving to be more spontaneous, less deliberate, and more open to straying from the very basic revised outline I've produced.
Here goes nothing.
Or everything.
Today was an interesting day. Unexpected conflicts. Uncertain resolutions. Some conflicts yet to be resolved.
I've been writing a lot more of my novel. I've sort of started over. I still may use the 100-odd pages I wrote last year, but since I took such a long break this past spring/summer, I find it quite difficult to "get back into my groove."
Whatever I write now seems disconnected from what I wrote then.
I've also altered the opposition slightly such that a rewrite is necessary, anyway.
I've done heaps of research and written more regularly the past month. However, most of what I've written has been exercises from a writing workshop book I bought. I'm trying to write with more continuous conflict and tension, bringing a mix of emotion to every page.
I've concluded that the primary reason it was so difficult continuing the novel was I'd spent so much time outlining, and with such thoroughness, that I'd essentially "written" the darn thing already. I couldn't bring myself to actually write the real deal because I would only be repeating myself, which is no fun. I lost the momentum.
So, with this new and improved opposition in the works, I'm striving to be more spontaneous, less deliberate, and more open to straying from the very basic revised outline I've produced.
Here goes nothing.
Or everything.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Current Situation
Whoa dang. It's been over two months since my last update. Some friends recently remarked that I never blog anymore, so here are the deets on what's going on.
I came to the conclusion tonight that I must prioritize.
Before when I was working full-time as a Microsoft contractor and also putting in 10-20 hours a week at the tutoring center, I used work as an excuse to put things off. I also used bad traffic, dating, church duties, etc., as excuses.
Some of you know that last fall I started writing a novel. I quit my job last summer to travel and, while abroad, the "idea" sort of fell into my head. I spent all of October-January writing full-time and living off of my savings.
Then I got rehired by the software company around the same time I started tutoring and practically overnight had no time to write. I didn't want to quit tutoring because I also toyed with the idea of getting a Master's in Teaching from UW and wanted the experience.
So I put the novel on hold indefinitely.
I also started dating and going out more.
So in addition to work, boys took a lot of my time.
Nothing was ever too serious; nothing lasted more than a month or two. And deep down, I knew I wasn't ready to commit since my whole life was sort of in transition. I didn't (and still don't) know who I am. Consequently, how in the heck am I supposed to know what to look for in a potential mate?
Most significantly, my spiritual life took a downturn, as well.
Literally the Monday after the weekend of GODencounters back in January, I started working again.
And to be quite honest, planning GODencounters sort of took its toll on my spiritual life. Ironic, right?
One would imagine that putting together such a successful event for God would be beneficial to my relationship with Him. But instead, I got burned out.
Very, very gradually, and without notice on my part, I started spending less and less time with God. And I started to relinquish my church duties onto others, at least where the UW ministry is concerned.
So for the last 6 months, my life has consisted solely of work, tutoring, dating, and socializing.
Hardly any time was allotted to my novel, or to God.
And today one of my good friends outside of church called me on his break and we had a heart-to-heart. He knows that I've been struggling spiritually. He knows about all the guys I've dated the past 6 months. He knows about my novel and how important it is to me that I complete it.
He's younger, just 19, but very wise.
And he put it so simply. He said, "Steph. You need to prioritize."
So that's what I'm trying to do.
Time was scarce because I made time my own.
But time belongs to Him.
I know that if I reconnect with Him and make him the center of my life, that time will be ample once again, and I will, once again, have time to do what's important.
Pray for me.
I came to the conclusion tonight that I must prioritize.
Before when I was working full-time as a Microsoft contractor and also putting in 10-20 hours a week at the tutoring center, I used work as an excuse to put things off. I also used bad traffic, dating, church duties, etc., as excuses.
Some of you know that last fall I started writing a novel. I quit my job last summer to travel and, while abroad, the "idea" sort of fell into my head. I spent all of October-January writing full-time and living off of my savings.
Then I got rehired by the software company around the same time I started tutoring and practically overnight had no time to write. I didn't want to quit tutoring because I also toyed with the idea of getting a Master's in Teaching from UW and wanted the experience.
So I put the novel on hold indefinitely.
I also started dating and going out more.
So in addition to work, boys took a lot of my time.
Nothing was ever too serious; nothing lasted more than a month or two. And deep down, I knew I wasn't ready to commit since my whole life was sort of in transition. I didn't (and still don't) know who I am. Consequently, how in the heck am I supposed to know what to look for in a potential mate?
Most significantly, my spiritual life took a downturn, as well.
Literally the Monday after the weekend of GODencounters back in January, I started working again.
And to be quite honest, planning GODencounters sort of took its toll on my spiritual life. Ironic, right?
One would imagine that putting together such a successful event for God would be beneficial to my relationship with Him. But instead, I got burned out.
Very, very gradually, and without notice on my part, I started spending less and less time with God. And I started to relinquish my church duties onto others, at least where the UW ministry is concerned.
So for the last 6 months, my life has consisted solely of work, tutoring, dating, and socializing.
Hardly any time was allotted to my novel, or to God.
And today one of my good friends outside of church called me on his break and we had a heart-to-heart. He knows that I've been struggling spiritually. He knows about all the guys I've dated the past 6 months. He knows about my novel and how important it is to me that I complete it.
He's younger, just 19, but very wise.
And he put it so simply. He said, "Steph. You need to prioritize."
So that's what I'm trying to do.
Time was scarce because I made time my own.
But time belongs to Him.
I know that if I reconnect with Him and make him the center of my life, that time will be ample once again, and I will, once again, have time to do what's important.
Pray for me.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
The Bright Side
It will help me make the characters more real. Personal experience is always the best inspiration.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Birthday Coincidence
This past weekend some friends and I visited Vancouver, B.C. We arrived around 8pm Friday night at our couch surfing host just a few minutes from downtown Vancouver. We went to dinner at India Bistro on Davie St. and started chatting.
Dave, our host, was in his 20s. I forgot what subject the conversation was on, but at one point, Dave mentioned that his parents bought their house in 1983. Earlier he had mentioned being born after they bought it, so I said, "Oh, you were born in 1984? What month?"
Dave said, "August."
I continued, "What day?"
He replied, "The 16th."
Immediately I whipped out my wallet to show him my driver's license, which proved to him that my birthday is also August 16, 1984.
CRAZY COINCIDENCE. Considering that Vicki, my twin, was there as well, there were three of us at the table of six sharing the exact same birthday.
I've heard of the "birthday paradox," how statistically, the probability of sharing a birthday with someone in a room of 23 is actually pretty high: 50%. But that's just sharing the same date, not both the date and year. And the reason it's so high is because it's the probability that ANYONE would share a birthday with ANYONE ELSE in the room. It considers that EACH of the 23 people may share a birthday with THE OTHER 22, so that's a lot of different pairs of people being considered. (In a group of 23 people there are 23×22/2 = 253 pairs.)
In this case, I'm only considering myself paired with Dave. I already know that I don't share a birthday with anyone in our travel party other than Vicki, so Dave is the only person the calculation applies to, so just one pair, rather than 253, which drastically limits the odds.
The odds of having the same birthday as anyone are 1/366 (counting the extra day of a leap year). Knowing that Dave was in his 20s, the odds of sharing the same birthyear are 1/10. So the odds of sharing both a birthday and birthyear with any 20-something in the world, randomly, are 1/3660.
Crazy.
Dave, our host, was in his 20s. I forgot what subject the conversation was on, but at one point, Dave mentioned that his parents bought their house in 1983. Earlier he had mentioned being born after they bought it, so I said, "Oh, you were born in 1984? What month?"
Dave said, "August."
I continued, "What day?"
He replied, "The 16th."
Immediately I whipped out my wallet to show him my driver's license, which proved to him that my birthday is also August 16, 1984.
CRAZY COINCIDENCE. Considering that Vicki, my twin, was there as well, there were three of us at the table of six sharing the exact same birthday.
I've heard of the "birthday paradox," how statistically, the probability of sharing a birthday with someone in a room of 23 is actually pretty high: 50%. But that's just sharing the same date, not both the date and year. And the reason it's so high is because it's the probability that ANYONE would share a birthday with ANYONE ELSE in the room. It considers that EACH of the 23 people may share a birthday with THE OTHER 22, so that's a lot of different pairs of people being considered. (In a group of 23 people there are 23×22/2 = 253 pairs.)
In this case, I'm only considering myself paired with Dave. I already know that I don't share a birthday with anyone in our travel party other than Vicki, so Dave is the only person the calculation applies to, so just one pair, rather than 253, which drastically limits the odds.
The odds of having the same birthday as anyone are 1/366 (counting the extra day of a leap year). Knowing that Dave was in his 20s, the odds of sharing the same birthyear are 1/10. So the odds of sharing both a birthday and birthyear with any 20-something in the world, randomly, are 1/3660.
Crazy.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Dangerous Driving
Tonight after I dropped off Vanja and was on my way home, I almost got hit by a car.
Before I get into that, though, let me tell you about my friend.
Last night I had dinner with my friend Drew, who told me about his own scary driving experience recently. This past Monday night around midnight, he was driving home and (an obviously drunk) driver turned out of nowhere onto the street when he didn't have the right of way, crossed the center line, and was driving straight toward him approaching a head-on collision. Drew said it seemed to be happening in slow motion and before he knew it, he was swerving and honking and the guy swerved the other way to correct himself, but not before side-swiping my friend and knocking off his driver-side mirror and driving away in what is essentially a hit-and-run accident.
Two days ago 22 year-old L.A. Angels pitcher Nick Adenhart was killed after a drunk driver ran a red light.
So tonight, I was driving south on 15th Ave W and was just a couple blocks from my turn on Dravus. It was pretty quiet on the roads, no one in front of me. I was replaying my conversation with Drew and thinking about all the crazy drivers out there and, I kid you not, about 2 seconds later I encountered a crazy driver myself.
I glanced a little to my right about a half a block down the road and see a car that is parallel-parked with its lights on. I figure he's waiting for a friend to come out and he's just parked temporarily. Then out of nowhere, he pulls out onto the road without signaling, just as I am a few feet away from him. Immediately I react and swerve to my left into the center turn lane to avoid him, skidding and honking all the while. I was literally less than six inches from his car at one point and, had I not noticed him prior to that, he would have hit me.
I could not believe it.
If I hadn't had the topic of collisions on my mind then perhaps I wouldn't have been as aware of the guy and prepared for him to do something stupid. And then the d-bag proceeded to drive in front of me at 20 mph in a 35 mph zone.
I know I'm not the greatest driver and can scare my passengers sometimes, but never due to something as blatantly stupid as that driver.
WHAT THE EFF.
Before I get into that, though, let me tell you about my friend.
Last night I had dinner with my friend Drew, who told me about his own scary driving experience recently. This past Monday night around midnight, he was driving home and (an obviously drunk) driver turned out of nowhere onto the street when he didn't have the right of way, crossed the center line, and was driving straight toward him approaching a head-on collision. Drew said it seemed to be happening in slow motion and before he knew it, he was swerving and honking and the guy swerved the other way to correct himself, but not before side-swiping my friend and knocking off his driver-side mirror and driving away in what is essentially a hit-and-run accident.
Two days ago 22 year-old L.A. Angels pitcher Nick Adenhart was killed after a drunk driver ran a red light.
So tonight, I was driving south on 15th Ave W and was just a couple blocks from my turn on Dravus. It was pretty quiet on the roads, no one in front of me. I was replaying my conversation with Drew and thinking about all the crazy drivers out there and, I kid you not, about 2 seconds later I encountered a crazy driver myself.
I glanced a little to my right about a half a block down the road and see a car that is parallel-parked with its lights on. I figure he's waiting for a friend to come out and he's just parked temporarily. Then out of nowhere, he pulls out onto the road without signaling, just as I am a few feet away from him. Immediately I react and swerve to my left into the center turn lane to avoid him, skidding and honking all the while. I was literally less than six inches from his car at one point and, had I not noticed him prior to that, he would have hit me.
I could not believe it.
If I hadn't had the topic of collisions on my mind then perhaps I wouldn't have been as aware of the guy and prepared for him to do something stupid. And then the d-bag proceeded to drive in front of me at 20 mph in a 35 mph zone.
I know I'm not the greatest driver and can scare my passengers sometimes, but never due to something as blatantly stupid as that driver.
WHAT THE EFF.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Concert Calendar
April 11th: Cage the Elephant, The Gaslight Anthem, and White Lies
April 19th: 100 Monkeys (Vancouver, B.C.)
April 28th: Yann Tiersen
May 2nd: Sam Bradley (Vancouver, B.C.)
May 31st: Relient K
July 11th: Coldplay
October 18th: U2 (Vancouver, B.C.)
MORE TO COME! :-)
April 19th: 100 Monkeys (Vancouver, B.C.)
April 28th: Yann Tiersen
May 2nd: Sam Bradley (Vancouver, B.C.)
May 31st: Relient K
July 11th: Coldplay
October 18th: U2 (Vancouver, B.C.)
MORE TO COME! :-)
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